Even in my escalating desperation as impending unemployment rears it’s ugly head, there are a few positions that I can not, will not, ABSOLUTELY REFUSE, to apply for. They are, of course, compliments of Craigslist, the once virtual hippy trading post turned resident (national, international, even?) catchall. These include:
Veterinary receptionist and assistant: I really don’t like animals all that much*. Period.
*However, I do love cats, which reminds me of an amusing little anecdote… On one of the two interviews I’ve had since graduation, I was greeted not only by my prospective employers but also by a large, mangy black lab, apparently the coveted office pet. As our little chat wrapped up (throughout the entirety of which I tactfully tried to keep the dog’s snout out of my crotch - charming, I know) I simply couldn’t lie when they asked if I was “alright” (their smiles suggested I should be positively thrilled) with working in an office with a dog. My response? “Quite frankly, I’m more of a cat person.” Ta-ta.
Diamond retailer customer service representative: I have been wearing the same jewelry (all two rings of it, both silver, both possibly from a kiosk located in a Long Island mall) since 1997. Clearly, I’m not your gal. Lorelei Lei, the only way I’d agree with you is if I could pawn them down on Rainier in order to pay my rent.
Depression study seeking participants: Seriously? In my current state of mind, I’m afraid of what I would find out.
Gymnastics instructor, children ages 4 months – 12 yrs: The only thing worse than being surrounded by Labrador retrievers all day (see number one) is the thought of having screaming children running around and literally bouncing off the walls. Also, with all those moist blue gym mats, ringworm is sure to be lurking out there somewhere.
Online fitness and weight-loss coach: Training provided, you say? And, no experience needed, to boot? Well, what a shame; I’m running low on motivation and have to preserve the sparse remains for myself and my thankless job hunt. Plus, I’m a firm believer in making sure that some things simply remain tangible and retain the archaic attribute of human interaction. I’m now adding “fitness coaching” to that list, snuggled right underneath book buying and enjoying literature (boo, Kindle).
Well, I’m sure I could go on and on, but I’m going to draw the line here. The more I procrastinate, the less time I have to sprinkle my resume from Columbia City to Shoreline. In the words of Tim Gunn, “carry on”.
"Make it work"
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